JOKES!!!!!!

cmon lets get a jokes topic going, liven things up on our forums, ill start ;D


There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except.... and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'" "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box carved with strange symbols. He opened it and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing.

The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yeah, right.. Voodoo dick, my ass!"....

QUITE LONG BUT DEFO WORTH IT ;D

LOL. i only know racist jokes

better than no jokes.

i used to know some epic racist jokes ( about gipsys , i like black people :O ) , but in slovak , not in english :p

[quote="xantoZ"]LOL. i only know racist jokes [/quote
FUCK YOU JIMMY !

[quote="Skydive"]

xantoZ wrote:LOL. i only know racist jokes [/quote
FUCK YOU JIMMY !

Hi, I know a joke about an italian guy

Hu serious? im not italian fucking italians cunts

Skydive wrote:Hu serious? im not italian fucking italians cunts

idd they are drop death annoying, btw Destiny the B ( [b] - [ /b] thing button and [i] etc isnt working correctly-ish

FUCKING ALL THE DAY COFFE O LATTE MACCHIATO ... on saturdays girl say no if u invite them on cinema , reason ; i want eat pizza.... PFF FUCK U!

pizza with annananananananas ( idk the english word ) + Anchovies ( or something like that ) makes me cum .

lol there is alot of bastard people but girls mhhhhh <3 fucking redhead everywhere !

anananannanananas = pineapple ±'

this is a joke topic but only one joke has been made haha,

whom is still virgin in Marocco?
Children under the age of three and everything what runs faster then a sheep.

whats the similarity between a Moroccan and sperm?
They both come with millions but only one of them works.

I think only dutch people will understand those jokes haha

puffin wrote:this is a joke topic but only one joke has been made haha,

whom is still virgin in Marocco?
Children under the age of three and everything what runs faster then a sheep.

whats the similarity between a Moroccan and sperm?
They both come with millions but only one of them works.

I think only dutch people will understand those jokes haha

idd :p

Hahahahaha i understand them xD

iFear wrote:Hahahahaha i understand them xD

u know dutch. :>